I acquired a new student recently, a professional woman who owns and rides a horse, but who is new to the leadership concepts we incorporate when working with our horses.   After spending a few days working with my horses she sent me an email to say that working with me had been her first experience with “structured leadership methods.”

This email really stopped me in my tracks because I consider the way in which I interact with my horses to be completely non-structured.  When people ask me what specific methods I use to train my horses I tell them that I don’t really  “train” horses at all.  What would I train them to be – better horses?  Instead I spend most of my time and effort improving my own ability to understand and communicate with them.

I have studied and practiced “natural horsemanship (also known in books and movies as horse whispering) for many years.  Natural horsemanship is about developing a relationship with your horse based on understanding his perspective and his needs.  That relationship doesn’t rely on a specific method or structured activity that begins when my horses and I walk through the arena door.  It is instead an ongoing conversation that takes place whenever we are together.  Ultimately I am the leader (and my horses are happy with that because they depend leadership for survival) but I can demonstrate that leadership through conversations rather than directives.  And because every one of my horses is a unique individual, every conversation (and relationship) is different.

It seems that a lot of people in the horse world rely on methods instead of putting their efforts into developing a relationship with their horse.   I suppose it seems easier.  A method or system often consists of a set of structured steps or exercises that you can deliver to your horse.   You don’t have to take responsibility for the outcome.  If and when things don’t work out it is not your fault – the system didn’t work (or it’s the horse’s fault) so off you go to find a better, more successful system.

There is a place for systems and methods.  I remember that when I began my training many years ago I would have been lost without some sort of framework or structure in place to help me work and learn with my horses.   But I was also encouraged by my coaches to move beyond that reliance on methodology to make a real connection with each individual horse.  I was encouraged to listen, to understand and to develop individual relationships based on trust and communication.

In natural horsemanship the ultimate goal is to develop “soft feel”.  Soft feel is about developing such an understanding with your horse that any request is as soft and light as a whisper.  A physical cue weighs no more than an ounce.  Your horse in responds in turn softly, lightly and willingly.

Achieving soft feel is a somewhat elusive goal that one can spend years working towards but never achieve.   Although I will never achieve perfection my horses and I do have more and more of those moments when it all falls into place and the relationship feels soft and light and almost magical.

I believe that as professionals and leaders we need to work towards achieving that same soft, light connection with our clients.  Systems and methods provide a structure but we must also remember that we are working with individuals, each of whom has their own unique talents, issues, perspective and learning style.  We must never lose sight of the fact that leadership really is about creating a relationship with each and every client.

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