We run several equine related programs here at our farm so many people meet and interact with my horses on a regular basis. Some of our visitors are completely new to horses; others come from the horse world. We try to teach everyone about the true nature of horses, as there seems to be a lot of misconceptions.
Whenever I make the statement that “horses do not love us” our visitors tend to get upset with me. It doesn’t matter whether they are “city slickers” or horsey people. When I try to soften the blow by offering the upside, “they don’t hate us either.” that doesn’t really help.
People insist that my horses are happy to receive hugs and kisses and overt displays of physical affection. When my horses crowd or bump them they interpret this as a reciprocal sign of affection (rather than the horse’s actual attempt to dominate them by claiming their space.) It somehow seems unthinkable that horses can interact socially in a different and less emotional way than we do.
Horses in fact are quite socially adept. In the wild everyone lives in a herd and has their own specific place in it. Herd members respect each other’s personal space. Together they establish rules and routines of when to eat, sleep and travel. There is very little conflict. There is always a lot of ongoing non-verbal communication. An equine herd is in fact a very efficient social group.
Many neurotypical people see people with autism as “socially dysfunctional” because they do not readily form relationships or attachments based on strong emotions.
Each summer we offer nine weeks of day camp to children with special needs. Many of our campers have autism. Being in camp daily with my children offers me the opportunity to observe them in a social context. It seems obvious to me that my campers come to clearly understand that they are part of the camp and that each one of them has a place in the group. We all bike, hike, eat, play, exercise and participate in other activities as a group and no one has to be coerced to stay within the group. Our campers get along well, and while there is subtle interaction there is very little conflict in the group. When I look at my camp I see a functional social group.
I really enjoy being with my horses and my campers. They are honest and direct. They never lie or misrepresent themselves. They rarely whine or complain. They do not hold resentments or grudges. They challenge me to listen outside of my own perspective. When I do, their communication (whether verbal or non-verbal) is very clear and they always have a very unique viewpoint.
Everyone needs to develop good functional social skills in order to be participating and contributing members of society. All of us surely need to improve our social skills. I take issue however with the brochures and websites I see that describe people with disabilities as “socially impaired” or socially incompetent?
Why is different considered to be somehow less or inferior? ” Why are neurotypical humans considered the benchmark for social competence? Is it egocentricity that enables us to make such statements? Open-mindedness and empathy and respect for differences are also important social skills. Are we really more socially competent or are we just so much better at denying our own faults and failures?
I recently saw a new social skills program highlighted on an autism news service. In the program description they stated that their goal was to “transform the children into social beings.” From my experience it seems to me that ship has already sailed.
