The “art of going with” is an expression coined by Mark Rashid, a well-known horseman and author of many books about equine behaviour and psychology. Rashid describes “going with” as rolling with the energy of another person or a situation rather than fighting or trying to dominate it.
Rashid believes that humans are notoriously bad at “going with” because we are much more comfortable with dominating and controlling than we are with changing. To many of us “going with” carries the implied vulnerability of giving up or at least altering our own beliefs.
Going with is especially difficult for professionals in any field. As a professional your reputation depends on your competence and eventually your ego is wrapped up in your need to be right all or at least most of the time. Rigid adherence to your own ideas closes your eyes and your ears to the very people you are supposed to be supporting.
A few years ago I stopped asking professionals in the horse world for help with my young horses. Everyone I talked with insisted that their method was the right way and the only way. It seemed to me however that this point of view was so rigid that the methods often worked against rather than with the true nature of my horses.
Although I had never trained young horses before I decided to try it on my own. What I discovered is that there is no specific step-by-step method to success, no one right way. Instead I learned that it really is about adhering to certain principles while determining how to “go with” your horse in each unique situation.
It has been a long slow process but I am really pleased with the progress my horses and I have made together. Although there were moments of frustration and discouragement – and we still have a long way to go yet – for the most part it has been a positive, productive experience. I thought that I had really come to understand the concept of “going with’ – until this past weekend.
In my other role, as a professional educator, not once but twice this past weekend I let my point of view take over my interactions with my students. In both cases I had a sound idea and it would have resulted in a positive outcome – if not for my tunnel vision. It was my idea, it was a great idea and I was going to make it work for everyone involved. I didn’t stop to listen to my students nor did I make the effort to understand and respect their interpretation of the situation. Both lessons would have ended on a far more positive note if I had just put my own professional ego aside and simply paid more attention.
Although I have spent the last few days mentally kicking myself, last weekend was a good reminder of how easy it always is to slip into professional complacency. I need to recognize that my role as a professional is not to achieve success for myself but to support my clients in their efforts to be successful. I don’t have all the answers but I can learn to ask the right questions. I can listen to my clients (both students and their parents) and accept and respect their feedback. I can acknowledge that I need to continue learning and that my students are my best teachers. Most importantly I can learn to “go with” my students by paying attention to where they really need to go and how I can best help them to get there.
