I acquired a new student recently, a professional woman who owns and rides a horse, but who is new to the leadership concepts we incorporate when working with our horses.   After spending a few days working with my horses she sent me an email to say that working with me had been her first experience with “structured leadership methods.”

This email really stopped me in my tracks because I consider the way in which I interact with my horses to be completely non-structured.  When people ask me what specific methods I use to train my horses I tell them that I don’t really  “train” horses at all.  What would I train them to be – better horses?  Instead I spend most of my time and effort improving my own ability to understand and communicate with them.

I have studied and practiced “natural horsemanship (also known in books and movies as horse whispering) for many years.  Natural horsemanship is about developing a relationship with your horse based on understanding his perspective and his needs.  That relationship doesn’t rely on a specific method or structured activity that begins when my horses and I walk through the arena door.  It is instead an ongoing conversation that takes place whenever we are together.  Ultimately I am the leader (and my horses are happy with that because they depend leadership for survival) but I can demonstrate that leadership through conversations rather than directives.  And because every one of my horses is a unique individual, every conversation (and relationship) is different.

It seems that a lot of people in the horse world rely on methods instead of putting their efforts into developing a relationship with their horse.   I suppose it seems easier.  A method or system often consists of a set of structured steps or exercises that you can deliver to your horse.   You don’t have to take responsibility for the outcome.  If and when things don’t work out it is not your fault – the system didn’t work (or it’s the horse’s fault) so off you go to find a better, more successful system.

There is a place for systems and methods.  I remember that when I began my training many years ago I would have been lost without some sort of framework or structure in place to help me work and learn with my horses.   But I was also encouraged by my coaches to move beyond that reliance on methodology to make a real connection with each individual horse.  I was encouraged to listen, to understand and to develop individual relationships based on trust and communication.

In natural horsemanship the ultimate goal is to develop “soft feel”.  Soft feel is about developing such an understanding with your horse that any request is as soft and light as a whisper.  A physical cue weighs no more than an ounce.  Your horse in responds in turn softly, lightly and willingly.

Achieving soft feel is a somewhat elusive goal that one can spend years working towards but never achieve.   Although I will never achieve perfection my horses and I do have more and more of those moments when it all falls into place and the relationship feels soft and light and almost magical.

I believe that as professionals and leaders we need to work towards achieving that same soft, light connection with our clients.  Systems and methods provide a structure but we must also remember that we are working with individuals, each of whom has their own unique talents, issues, perspective and learning style.  We must never lose sight of the fact that leadership really is about creating a relationship with each and every client.

If you google the words autism and behaviour you get almost two million results. There is an entire industry devoted to providing behavioural treatment and management programs to children with autism.   Remediating, reshaping, eliminating,  reinforcing and controlling behaviour has become  a priority.

We tend to categorize most behaviours as either good or bad.  The problem with labeling behaviour in this way is that we then attach judgments and emotional reactions to it.   This is more so the case with “bad” behaviour.   Good behaviour often is overlooked or ignored.  Let’s face it if every child out there exhibited only good behaviour all of us professionals would be out of work.  So our priority is to focus on the “bad” stuff and fix it.

In the horse world remediating bad behaviour is even more important because it can be life threatening to humans.  Horse people constantly judge their horses’ behaviours from a human point of view.  When I first started riding horses I was amazed at how many horses were labeled stupid, stubborn and non-compliant.

When we think that our horse’s behaviour is intentional or deliberate dealing with it can be a very adversarial process resulting in a lot of emotion on both sides.  This emotional reaction colours our judgment and prevents us from effectively understanding what is really happening.

I was taught to look at a horse’s actions from a different perspective.  Horses cannot separate how they feel from how they behave.  They cannot mask their emotions with physical actions.  Their reaction is instinctive, and in their mind, a logical response to whatever is happening in the world around them.

Mark Rashid, a well-known horse trainer, says that we need to look at behaviour from a different perspective.  He says that the horse’s behaviour is “informing us of what is truly going on internally.”   He suggests that we replace the word behaviour with the word information.  In doing so we consider that the horse is only providing us with information or feedback as to how it feels.  Information is a term that carries far less emotional impact than the word behaviour.

Many of my students are non-verbal or have difficulties accurately  expressing how they feel.  The only way they can really communicate with me is through their behaviour.  I believe that, like my horses, their physical reactions are instinctive and truly reflective of their feelings.   If I consider these actions as information that is being offered  to me, then I am able to put aside my own emotional reactions as I focus on interpreting the message.   I can move from “How dare you behave in this manner,” to “What are you really trying to tell me?”

It’s so easy for most of us to express our feelings in a few words:  I love you, I hate you, I am afraid, I really don’t want to do that.   It’s also easy for us to forget that not everyone can do so.  Before we start managing behaviour we should first to listen to the message behind it.

Laura Hunter’s STEPS Programs is offering two new programs for 2011:

REAL LIFE & STEPS TO INDEPENDENCE

Customized in-home life skill programs for children and teens

STEPS TO INDEPENDENCE & REAL LIFE help children/youth develop daily living and critical thinking skills to enable them to become more independent, participating members of their families and communities

Both programs provide private instruction and coaching in real life settings in the client’s home and community. Programs are customized for each child/teen and are developed after consultation and in collaboration with the family. All program development and implementation will be done by Laura Hunter, Director of STEPS Programs.

The programs are based on the principles that we have developed and found to be successful in our STEPS programs over thirty years:

• When children develop skills to become more self-sufficient and more in  control over their lives  behavioural  issues often decrease

• Taking on responsibility in a family or a social or community group increases feelings of success and self worth

• The development of critical thinking skills is a necessary foundation for the successful acquisition of all other skills

• Given opportunity and support there is always the potential for everyone to grow and improve beyond their current level of ability and independence

STEPS TO INDEPENDENCE

For children ages 4-10

Provides progressive skill development to ensure the success that motivates children to become more independent

• Developing more independence in daily self care and organization
• Making choices and decisions
• Choosing activities and engaging in them independently
• Becoming responsible for chores and tasks within the home
• Participating in daily physical activity for health
• Learning about the community – how to navigate, becoming familiar with and using community services and programs

REAL LIFE

For youth 11 years and up, teens and young adults

Offers coaching and support that enables teens to develop practical tools to navigate the teen years  and to make the successful transition to adult life:

• Organizing day to day life – developing effective daily habits and routines
• Taking on more responsibilities within the household
• Managing relationships and social situations
• Developing interests and hobbies that can engage them throughout their lives
• Managing stress and staying healthy and active
• Participating in the community by utilizing community resources and contributing to the community (ie volunteer work)

The “art of going with” is an expression coined by Mark Rashid, a well-known horseman and author of many books about equine behaviour and psychology. Rashid describes “going with” as rolling with the energy of another person or a situation rather than fighting or trying to dominate it.

Rashid believes that humans are notoriously bad at “going with” because we are much more comfortable with dominating and controlling than we are with changing.  To many of us “going with” carries the implied vulnerability of giving up or at least altering our own beliefs.

Going with is especially difficult for professionals in any field.    As a professional your reputation depends on your competence and eventually your ego is wrapped up in your need to be right all or at least most of the time.  Rigid adherence to your own ideas closes your eyes and your ears to the very people you are supposed to be supporting.

A few years ago I stopped asking professionals in the horse world for help with my young horses.  Everyone I talked with insisted that their method was the right way and the only way.  It seemed to me however that this point of view was so rigid that the methods often worked against rather than with the true nature of my horses.

Although I had never trained young horses before I decided to try it on my own.    What I discovered is that there is no specific step-by-step method to success, no one right way.  Instead I learned that it really is about adhering to certain principles while determining how to “go with” your horse in each unique situation.

It has been a long slow process but I am really pleased with the progress my horses and I have made together.   Although there were moments of frustration and discouragement – and we still have a long way to go yet – for the most part it has been a positive, productive experience.  I thought that I had really come to understand the concept of “going with’ – until this past weekend.

In my other role, as a professional educator, not once but twice this past weekend I let my point of view take over my interactions with my students.  In both cases I had a sound idea and it would have resulted in a positive outcome – if not for my tunnel vision.   It was my idea, it was a great idea and I was going to make it work for everyone involved. I didn’t stop to listen to my students nor did I make the effort to understand and respect their interpretation of the situation.   Both lessons would have ended on a far more positive note if I had just put my own professional ego aside and simply paid more attention.

Although I have spent the last few days mentally kicking myself, last weekend was a good reminder of how easy it always is to slip into professional complacency.  I need to recognize that my role as a professional is not to achieve success for myself but to support my clients in their efforts to be successful.    I don’t have all the answers but I can learn to ask the right questions.  I can listen to my clients (both students and their parents) and accept and respect their feedback.   I can acknowledge that I need to continue learning and that my students are my best teachers.   Most importantly I can learn to “go with” my students by  paying attention  to where they really need to go and how I can best help them to get there.

People often ask me how long it takes me to train my horses. I don’t really have an answer to that question.  Over the years, as I have come to understand more about my horses, I no longer consider that I “train” them.   To me training implies that I give my horse a specific set of instructions and he must respond automatically in a correct manner.

What I try to do instead is to develop both a relationship and a conversation with my horse.  Horses are quite intelligent and very capable of independent thought.  I ask them questions and make polite requests in a manner they can understand and together we solve problems and make decisions in order to reach our goal.

To me traditional horse training is similar to command style teaching, which is still, unfortunately, the foundation of our educational system.  Command style teaching is an effective way to teach certain functional skills but it does not address the issue of critical thinking.

Without the ability to take that first step, make independent decisions and choices and judge what is right, wrong or appropriate in specific situations we would not be able to use functional skills in a useful way to live meaningful productive lives.

Teaching someone a functional skill such as how to put their shoes is usually done through command style teaching.  “ Here is step one through nine. Follow the steps as I give them to you. With much repetition and memorization you will be able to successfully tie your shoes.”  But once a person has learned to tie their shoes it is just as important that they are able to decide where and when it would be appropriate to wear those particular shoes.

Learning critical thinking skills is difficult for many children (and some adults too for that matter!). Children with special needs are often visual or kinesthetic learners. They rely on concrete facts and experiences for success in learning.  Abstract thinking and problem solving can be difficult– but not impossible given the right support and encouragement:

1. Be a Coach

You cannot teach someone to take independent action, make decisions, or solve problems in 9 structured steps.  Learning happens in the moment and people need ongoing support and feedback.   Successful coaching is about having a relationship and an ongoing conversation rather than dictating instructions from a position of formal authority.

2. Ask, don’t tell

Telling someone what to do never engages or empowers them.   Asking people questions enables them to make choices while encouraging them to look for possible solutions.   And if we take the time to really listen to someone’s answers we actually learn more about them and the support and encouragement they specifically need from us.

Answering questions can be a very challenging skill.  When learning any new skill, it is best to break the process into small incremental steps. Start with really simple direct questions to build up a comfort level and provide some success.   Then progress slowly up to more general open-ended inquiries.

3. Practice

Asking and answering questions takes a lot of practice on both sides.  Practice is most effective when there are no time constraints or pressures and everyone is in a relaxed state.

4.  Recognize and acknowledge effort.

Imagine that you were trying to learn how to hit a tennis ball or a golf ball for the first time.  Think about how would you feel if every time you missed the stroke your coach declared “No, that’s wrong!”  It would be very discouraging.   In the beginning we have to recognize and reward the honest effort.  “That was a good effort” will go a long way to encourage independence and risk taking.

5. Have expectations

Let’s be honest.  People often don’t ask questions of children with special needs because they don’t expect them to have answers.  There are even fewer expectations if the child is non-verbal.  Our children are intelligent and capable.  It might take time, patience and effort on everyone’s part but they can succeed and in fact they will often surpass expectations.   No one has the right to put a limit on anyone’s potential to achieve.

6. Let them struggle

We all learn from our mistakes and by struggling to overcome challenges.  Our children don’t need to be rescued when they can’t come up with an answer or a solution right away.   If we are always stepping in to save them we are telling them we don’t believe in their ability to succeed.   They need to experience and understand for themselves that their solution may not be the right one and they need to look for an alternative.

7.   Use your own creative thinking skills

A well-known horse trainer is always saying, “if your horse doesn’t give you the right answer then you either asked the wrong question or asked the question the wrong way.   That same principle applies to people also

In all the years that I took riding lessons in the “traditional” equine world no one could explain to me why the horses demonstrated certain behaviours.

When they didn’t cooperate I heard them described as “stupid” or “stubborn” or badly behaved. I watched people put bigger and harsher bits in their mouths, hit them with whips, jab them with spurs, tie them down and tie them up. No one bothered to look for the underlying reasons for the behaviours but everyone blamed the horse. It was always the horse’s fault.

When we began our therapeutic riding program and started to acquire our own horses I was determined that they would be treated differently. I was however somewhat lost as to what direction to take. Although I insisted that everyone be kind and respectful to our horses I felt that something was missing – some understanding on my part, some connection.

One year we were down at the Royal Winter Fair putting on a therapeutic riding demonstration. I happened to see a cowboy also giving a demonstration of something called “natural horsemanship”. I had never seen anything like it in the horse world. He and his horse looked like long time dance partners, moving together in understanding and unison with no stress or tension between them. I knew that was the relationship I wanted with my horses.

As I studied and practiced the principles of natural horsemanship I slowly began to realize that I was the one who needed to open my mind and see life from horses’ perspective. It was often my actions that precipitated their reactions and so it was my behaviour that I needed to manage. As I became more aware of the shared responsibility for the relationship everything fell into place with my horses and we were able to begin our own dance.

The principles of natural horsemanship are simple to understand, although they take far more effort to put into real life practice. It is the responsibility of the human to:

• understand the world from the horse’s perspective
• communicate with the horse using their language.
• accept that the horse always has a logical reason for its behaviour.
• realize that it is often our actions that precipitate that behaviour

Caught up in the excitement of making this breakthrough with my horses, it was an embarrassingly long time before I thought to apply those same principles to my work with my students. You can coast along and make mistakes with people without dire consequences to yourself, but a large powerful and instinctual animal will call you out every time.

Working with my horses on a daily basis provides a lot of ongoing opportunity to develop my own life skills. My horses are only too happy to provide constant feedback about how I am doing. The challenge is transferring that learning to my relationships in my professional human world but I feel I am making progress.

I believe that that my students are as happy as my horses that I am now trying to listen more empathetically to understand and support their perspective. I hope they recognize that I am also taking more responsibility for my role in our teacher-student relationship. And I am sure they don’t mind that I had to learn those skills from some cowboys.

Some cowboy quotes to live and work by (with horses and humans):

“To understand the horse you are going to be working on yourself.”

“He is an individual and entitled to his thoughts just as you are.”

“I want to respect my horse’s thoughts and feelings. We are the teachers and have to cope with situations as they come up.”

“The human must be knowledgeable of the horse’s communication system, and use this knowledge in their work with the horse.”

“The object is for the horse to be calm and feel safe throughout the learning process. A horse that feels calm and safe with his teacher is quick to bond with that person, and the results can be remarkable.”

“Realize you’re working with a mind. A lot of people think it’s just a horse, but there’s a mind operating that horse”

We run several equine related programs here at our farm so many people meet and interact with my horses on a regular basis.  Some of our visitors are completely new to horses; others come from the horse world.   We try to teach everyone about the true nature of horses, as there seems to be a lot of misconceptions.

Whenever I make the statement that “horses do not love us” our visitors tend to get  upset with me.  It doesn’t matter whether they are “city slickers” or horsey people.    When I try to soften the blow by offering the upside, “they don’t hate us either.”    that doesn’t  really help.

People insist that my horses are happy to receive hugs and kisses and overt displays of physical affection.   When my horses crowd or bump them they interpret this as a reciprocal sign of affection (rather than the horse’s actual attempt to dominate them by claiming their space.)  It somehow seems unthinkable that horses can interact socially in a different and less emotional way than we do.

Horses in fact are quite socially adept.  In the wild everyone lives in a herd and has their own specific place in it.  Herd members respect each other’s personal space.  Together they establish rules and routines of when to eat, sleep and travel.   There is very little conflict. There is always a lot of ongoing non-verbal communication.  An equine herd is in fact a very efficient social group.

Many neurotypical people see people with autism as “socially dysfunctional” because they do not readily form relationships or attachments based on strong emotions.

Each summer we offer nine weeks of day camp to children with special needs.  Many of our campers have autism. Being in camp daily with my children offers me the opportunity to observe them in a social context.  It seems obvious to me that my campers come to clearly understand that they are part of the camp and that each one of them has a place in the group.   We all bike, hike, eat, play, exercise and participate in other activities as a group and no one has to be coerced to stay within the group.  Our campers get along well, and while there is subtle interaction there is very little conflict in the group.  When I look at my camp I see a  functional social group.

I really enjoy being with my horses and my campers.  They are honest and direct.  They never lie or misrepresent themselves. They rarely whine or complain.  They do not hold resentments or grudges. They challenge me to listen outside of my own perspective. When I do, their communication (whether verbal or non-verbal) is very clear and they always have a very unique viewpoint.

Everyone needs to develop good functional social skills in order to be participating and contributing members of society.   All of us surely need to improve our social skills.    I take issue however with the brochures and websites I see that describe people with disabilities as “socially impaired” or socially incompetent?

Why is different considered to be somehow less or inferior? ”  Why are neurotypical humans considered the benchmark for social competence?  Is it egocentricity that enables us to make such statements?  Open-mindedness and  empathy and respect for differences are also important social skills.   Are we really more socially competent or are we just so much better at denying our own faults and failures?

I recently saw a new social skills program highlighted on an autism news service.  In the program description they stated that their goal was to “transform the children into social beings.”  From my experience it seems to me that ship has already sailed.

My horses have taught me many lessons over the years but the first and probably the most important one was about the nature of fear and anxiety.  Most of us neurotypical adults are very adept at avoiding fear-inducing situations  and so we do not usually experience fear or anxiety as an ongoing part of our daily lives.  Horses and people with special needs do, and for a period in my life so did I.

I rode my first horse at the age of forty-two when my husband bought me riding lessons for my birthday.  I knew nothing about horses or the equine world.   I assumed that I would learn about horse psychology and behaviour and then I would learn to work with my horse, gaining horsemanship skills a step at a time. My instructor‘s idea of teaching horsemanship was to just get on and go – as fast as possible.  My horse and I blindly followed the other riders over fallen trees, up and down hills and along the edge of steep ravines. I immediately realized that I had no idea what I was doing and that I had no control over my horse. It was a short ride to being completely terrified.

My anxiety would begin to build up after each ride in anticipation of the next one and by the time I was on the horse it had turned into full-blown fear.  After several sessions, just at the point where I would start to become more comfortable and feel as though I had some control, my ‘instructor’ would transition me to a new horse or take me out on a tougher trail and the cycle of anxiety/fear would begin again. Eventually it reached the point where I was so paralyzed with fear that I could not sit on any horse at all, no matter how calm and quiet it was.

My desire to ride was as strong as my fear so eventually I came to my senses and found a sane instructor.   The fear did not go away instantly however, in fact it took a very long time to rebuild my confidence and I had many setbacks along the way.  Although I did not particularly enjoy this experience I don’t regret it. I learned some valuable lessons – although undoubtedly not the ones my instructors thought they were teaching!

I learned that it is crucial to respect and acknowledge someone else’s fear even if you cannot empathize with it.   Most of my instructors were accomplished horse people who probably never experienced a moment of nervousness on their horses.  It was obvious that they had no real understanding or respect for my fears.   I would hear such well-meaning assurances as,  “You’ll be fine.  Calm down.  There is really nothing to be afraid of.  You really are okay.”   These statements were completely ineffectual and only served to trivialize my fears.

We treat horses and people with disabilities the same way. Things that frighten them seem completely harmless and irrelevant to us: unknown people, new and unfamiliar situations, loud or unusual noises, bright lights, unexpected movements or actions.  We often tend to downplay or ignore their reactions to these stimuli. It is crucial that, while we might not be able to empathize with these fears, we must still acknowledge and respect them.

I discovered that fear often stems from feelings of helplessness.   When you are working with horses everything can happen very quickly and situations can change in an instant.  I did not have the necessary knowledge or skills to control the horse in many situations so I felt powerless.   For me personally not having control was more terrifying than the threat of physical harm.

People with disabilities (especially those with autism) are constantly bombarded with ever-changing sensory information from the world around them.  They cannot modify or avoid this incoming information and it is often too much or too little.  They must also contend with complex and intangible social rules that seem to change with each new situation.    As a result they often feel out of control in their daily lives.

Fear triggers a  “flight or fight” response.  While I never actually jumped off a horse and ran from my lesson there were times when I desperately wanted to.  All that kept me on was my pride.  I did at one point run away in one sense.  After finishing one particularly difficult lesson in which I was pushed beyond my ability to control the horse I walked away from riding for six months.   Whenever I see my horses or my clients spin and run I know that they too are feeling that same desperate need to survive by escaping.

It is very difficult to completely eliminate fear.  Even now, many years and many horses later, certain situations can trigger my previous feelings of anxiety.   I have acquired tools and methods over the years to cope with my issues and so when situations arise I can work through them.  My horses and my clients react much more instinctively and tend to fall back into the flight or fight pattern when fear responses are triggered again.

Over time I managed to solve my riding fears but I could also have walked away from riding if I had chosen to avoid dealing with the fear.  People with disabilities do not have the same choice.  They must live in a world that often causes them to feel afraid  and anxious and they must live in a society that for the most part doesn’t understand those fears.  That has to change.  Many of us may never experience fear or anxiety ourselves but that is not an excuse for our lack of empathy.  We must recognize and respect those feelings in others and we must try to provide supportive environments in which they can live without fear.  It is our responsibility and it is their right.

I spent a good part of this past summer at our farm running our horse camp.  Most of the children who come to the camp have autism or sensory issues.  It has been a fascinating experience watching my children and horses interact and I am made aware yet again of the strong connection between them.

My horses are always calm, comfortable and relaxed around the children.  In fact it is not unusual for them to fall asleep while the children are grooming and saddling them.  This is not always the case when I am teaching my ‘typical’ adult riders and it is almost never the case when I have corporate groups here for leadership workshops.

In particular I like to watch Huggy Bear.  Huggy is a small haflinger pony who has been with us for several years.  He doesn’t work in our weekly lesson program as he is extremely nervous and spooky around people and has bolted out the arena door many times.   He does work for one month of the year in the camp program.  The kids don’t ride him but they do lead him through obstacle courses and groom him.  I watch as this spooky little pony quietly follows them around, never putting a foot in the wrong spot.

There is a tendency for people (particularly those unfamiliar with horses) to romanticize or idealize the relationship between horses and people with disabilities. In looking for some warm and fuzzy moment they want to believe that horses are kinder and more patient with our “special” clients because of their disability.   I remember once in a television interview being asked repeatedly to explain the “magical” connection between horses and people with disabilities.

I don’t believe in magic and the truth is, that although horses are wonderful creatures, they are not particularly warm and fuzzy (unless they are in a Disney movie) I know that their comfortable, relaxed demeanour with our clients is based not on human sentiment but horse logic.  Despite my attempts to understand that logic at this point I still have more questions than answers.

Perhaps the bond can be explained in part by the fact that people with autism or sensory issues and horses both perceive the world around them, in a similar manner that is not natural to  neurotypical people.  This is not a new revelation; anyone who has read Temple Grandin’s book  ‘Animals in Translation’ or seen her recent award-winning documentary knows that she attributes her success in stockyard design to her ability to see the world the same way the animals do.

Their common perception comes from a heightened sensory awareness of their environment that we do not share.   They are constantly processing sights, sounds, tastes and textures that neurotypical people are oblivious to.  Their sensitivity is so acute that this incoming sensory information can often be overwhelming and even frightening.

All the small details and the differences in their environment pop out at them. We on the other hand see only what we are focused on and what is important to us. Rather than noticing differences and details we tend to generalize across situations paying more attention to similarities.

Perhaps my horses and my children recognize that they share a world in which words are not meaningful.  They communicate through body language, which is a very open and honest form of communication.  They are experts at reading non-verbal signals that I usually don’t realize I am sending.   I put far more importance on my words, which I can often use to disguise my true feelings.

I often wonder if the strongest affinity comes from their sense of vulnerability in the world of neurotypical humans.   Although horses are perceived by many to be large and intimidating, in the wild they are prey animals whose survival lies in their ability to sense danger and run from it.  In the world of domestic horses humans are considered predators and in fact it is not uncommon to see people exhibiting predatory-like behaviour towards their horses in an effort to physically control or subdue them.  We often try to eliminate behaviours in our children in ways that are very controlling and not at all empathetic.  The result it that they feel misunderstood and vulnerable and their first reaction is to run just as the horses do.

It bothers me somewhat that I don’t have a tangible explanation for this unique relationship between my horses and my clients.   On the other hand working with horses and people all these years has taught me that not everything in life has to make sense from my perspective.  Perhaps it is simply enough for me to recognize and accept the relationship and know it is a good thing for everyone concerned.

When I started this blog a few months ago I didn’t really have a specific idea or direction in mind.   Having been in special education for thirty-five years I wanted to share my knowledge and experience with others in some way but I wasn’t sure how I could be most effective.

I have written some informational posts about bike riding and funding resources that I hope were helpful but now I would like to take this blog in a different direction.    I believe that a blog should be personal as well as informative and as such should reflect my own personal learning experiences.  I am not a natural writer.   Although I like to write I find it a struggle unless I the subject is something that I am really passionate about.

What I would really like to share with readers are my personal stories about my two passions in life: teaching children with special needs, and working and living with horses.  Although these two subjects may seem worlds apart to many people they have completely connected in a unique way for me.

When I first became involved with horses I had been in the field of special education for 25 years.   I was well known and had a good reputation.   I had many clients in my programs and I seemed to be getting good results with my methods. But I had fallen into the mindset that my methods were always right and they were the answer for everybody.   If those methods didn’t always work for all it certainly wasn’t my fault.

My horses completely changed my way of thinking.  They simply insisted that I had to work with them on their terms.   To gain their cooperation I had to learn to speak their language, and see their world through their eyes.   For the first time I understood that I needed to acknowledge someone else’s perspective instead of attempting to change or fix them to fit my own idea of what was right.   Instead of delivering instructions I had to make requests and provide support.   I am sure that it will be a life-long project but my horses are teaching me to be more supportive, more empathetic and more open-minded.

I believe that as professionals in the field of disability services, we can all do much better.   Instead of trying to ‘fix’ our clients we need to acknowledge and respect them for who they are and for their abilities and potential.  We need to develop real relationships with our clients and that we need to be equally responsible for our role in that relationship.   If  we encounter difficulties we need to look to our own behaviour and actions first.   As Temple Grandin states “If you want to change behaviour of the child first look at your own.  Behaviour is the end result of interaction between the child and his or her environment and this environment includes the people in it.”

With the assistance of my horses I now offer workshops for professionals. One of the first activities in the workshop involves leading the horse around the arena.  Invariably participants pick up the lead rope and head off, dragging their horse behind them.  They then declare that their horse is either lazy, or stubborn or it simply doesn’t want to cooperate.  I have to explain that they need to engage their horse to move forward willingly with them by demonstrating empathy, respect and a willingness to listen.  If they move forward side by side with their horse as a willing partner it is far easier to reach their goal.    Those very same principles also apply to the people that we live and work with.